Self-Acceptance
Are we there yet?
Does your inner child ever want to scream this? It's hard to surrender to the simple mystery of being alive. To realize we are already here; there is nowhere else we can be. It's much easier to get caught in the illusion of some “there” being better than here. I find one of the largest barriers to presence is a seeking mentality.The sense that we, or our experience, is “not enough” or that something needs to be different. How do we shift this?
As a coach and therapist I consistently remind myself, and those I'm connecting with, that there is nowhere you are trying to “get to", nothing is broken, and you don't need fixing. Trust you are on your way. This is the elusive and complex idea of self-acceptance: we are already whole, and we are growing.Present and moving. Don't worry, giving up a need to “fix” yourself is not going to stop change. In fact, being present and listening to the wisdom of discomfort will promote it. We must go through, to grow up.
So how do we listen to discomfort?
As I hold my growing son, who just turned 4, my hands cherish the touch. He is changing fast and soon will be bigger than me. “Fixing” stories can arise, “I should be appreciating this more,” or in harder instances, “It will be easier when he's more independent.”I am distancing from the present moment. I pause, breathe, and ask myself “what is this telling me?” As I tune in, my heart wisdom shares I am joyful, overwhelmed, and sad. We are here now, and won't be forever. His growth is beautiful and painful. These young years are sweet, and they require a lot. By listening to my discomfort, I discover what feelings need tending, and can more fully inhabit the moment. The stories can drift away now. The sensation of holding him becomes more potent, gratitude floods me, and my hands absorb lasting memories. I can be kinder to myself, and ultimately my hands can let go.
To be in the present moment is to surrender to change - nothing lasts forever. If you are feeling joyful and confident, relish it, for it will pass. If you are feeling sad and lonely, hold your heart, it won't last forever. Yet, it can be scary to let go of “fixing”. Often fear and feelings of not enough underly the seeking mentality.
Try This Practice:
Find your breath.
Note internally,
"I am enough,"
on the inhale
& release any tension on the exhale.
Bring a hand to your heart,
Breathe into your hand.
You may notice your mind doing some gymnastics as it fights this truth. Maybe thoughts are coming up like, "If she only saw my email inbox" or “But I DO need to fix my anger”. Or maybe physical sensations of impatience.
Ask the discomfort, “what are you trying to tell me?”
Are you overwhelmed, scared, disbelieving, or stressed? Whatever comes through needs kind presence, not fixing.
Meet the defenses with love, so they can slowly lay down their arms.
Don't be afraid to seek support from a friend, therapist, or mentor - we are not wired to do this alone.
With practice, as we settle into being enough, our nervous system capacity expands and our roots strengthen. The sun will shine, storms will rage, you will make love, and there will be fields of spring wildflowers (no matter your email inbox number:). Your medicine lies in cultivating the belief you are enough, just as you are, cherishing the joy and holding your heart in the dark.
With Love,
Ellen